British TV presenter and scriptwriter Denis Norden – best known as the host of long-running out-takes show It’ll Be Alright On The Night – has died at the age of 96.
Here are some of the comedy writer’s most memorable lines on everyday life:
:: It’s a funny kind of month, October. For the really keen cricket fan it’s when you discover that your wife left you in May.
:: There’s an unseen force which lets birds know when you’ve just washed your car.
:: I used to like writing for comedians – I enjoyed the challenge of making other people funny.
:: What is a harp but an oversized cheese slicer with cultural pretensions?
:: You know you’re getting old when a four-letter word for something pleasurable two people can do in bed together is R-E-A-D.
:: If all the world is a stage, and all the men and women merely players, where do all the audiences come from?
:: Middle age is when, whenever you go on holiday, you pack a sweater.
:: And when you’re on your own there is that terrifying possibility that you may be the only person on the planet who thinks it’s funny – and you have no way of finding out.
:: Then after that came word processors and it’s hard to make those laugh.
:: It’s like your children talking about holidays, you find they have a quite different memory of it from you. Perhaps everything is not how it is, but how it’s remembered.